COVID-19 doesn't really give any room for imagination.
So, I graduated from college. As I type these words, it does seem surreal. I remember the days when I was little that I wished to be grown and in college so bad. I thought I was mature enough to just be there already, but I would soon learn that timing is everything. I learned the importance of taking life slowly because with growing up comes many responsibilities, trials, and tribulations. It's not all unicorns and rainbows. There's beauty in the process, and it needs to be accepted.
With that being said, I still imagined my graduation day to look a lot different. I wanted that fairy-tale ending where my parents and loved ones would watch me walk the stage, cheer when my name was called and I grabbed my diploma, and then met me outside to take pictures with balloons and flowers. I wanted the day to end with dinner somewhere and enjoying the celebratory day at home to cap the day off (no pun intended).
But thanks to COVID-19, I felt cheated from that. Sure, we plan to delay the celebration, and at that point, I will still be so grateful for my accomplishments and blessings from God. But that doesn't take away from the disappointment of today. How do I and so many other graduates move on? What is even next for us?
I find it hard to imagine my future when every day, I'm learning about new lay-offs, workers being furloughed, companies like Nordstrom (one of my faves) going on Forbes' bankruptcy-watch list, and the national unemployment rate still rising. How am I supposed to look for a job in a market that seems like it's collapsing right now? Us 2020 college grads are really stepping into No Man's Land.
We're stepping into a future that is one of the most uncertain we have ever seen. Applying for a job seems silly right now. Thinking of any future plans seems silly right now since we don't know what's next for our society. But one thing I'm learning right now is to exercise my faith muscle more than ever. In a world where everyone seems hopeless, where else does my hope come from? God Himself.
I can't count the number of times that I've had to let go of my belief of what reality should be and step into my faith. And I'm here to say that time and time again, He has never done me dirty. I know that my future is in His hands, and with that in mind, there's nothing for me to fear. God saw this pandemic coming. It is of no surprise to Him. He saw me graduating virtually from my laptop inside of my house. He knows and holds the future. Any door that is meant to be open for me, I know He will make it happen. Nothing is delayed when God holds the concept of time in His very hands.
Yes, there are still days like today when I think about my future as an adult and I get anxious. So anxious that I'll feel frozen. But I'm going through a process where I'm learning to fall in love with the now. I'm learning that it's okay to not have anything together because grown folks don't either, they just know how to keep their chin up all the time. Whatever is out there for me, no pandemic can take away. I know that in due time, everything will work out. Like a flower, the rain needs to pour before it blooms.
He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. ---Romans 8:28 MSG
ln the meantime, I'll be blogging, reading books I didn't have the time to finish during school, getting more exercise, brushing up on my skincare, learning more about my passions, relaxing by doing nothing (and soaking in this time while we have it) and accepting the now for what it is. I will fight for peace. During the rest of this pandemic, I vow to myself to spend time being more present instead of worrying about tomorrow. Isn't that the healthier way to live, anyway?
love + light